PTSD Relationship, Dishonored Trust, and Self-Doubt

Let us dive into exploring PTSD relationship, dishonored trust, and self-doubt.

It is the responsibility of your caregivers, when young, to provide physical security as well as psychological security. As a child you are vulnerable and you don’t have the resources just yet to protect yourself.

Any trauma that happens to you at a young age will impact on your capacity to set healthy boundaries and your ability to open up and be vulnerable.

There are so many ways in which PTSD symptoms and their dissociative processes act themselves out that it is easy to get lost in its complexity.

Intergenerational Trauma

Trauma runs through the generations. Your parents have reacted to their parent's neglect, abuse and conditioned patterns hence creating the environment that you grew up in.

In turn, out of survival, you have your own set of coping mechanisms that helped you get through it the best you could but also creating long-lasting limitations to your relationships and health.

Any trauma that happens to you at a young age will impact on your capacity to set healthy boundaries and your ability to open up and be vulnerable.

It is as if part of you, emotionally, still lives in the past; your energy is repressed by that, limiting your level of available daily energy.

PTSD Relationships and Dishonored Trust

When you fall out with one of your parents, or there is some form of abuse or neglect or both are present when you grow up, your inherent trust as a child gets dishonored.

Out of that hurt, you will start to make certain decisions for yourself to cope, to survive. Either you ‘wall’ yourself off and retreat into your own space and, over time, chronically become distrustful of others. Or you give up your growing sense of self and identity and start to anticipate other people’s reactions in an attempt to get their approval, recognition or preventing more abuse. Or you move between those two poles, periodically trusting too much, followed by periods of retreating, shutting everybody out.

It all depends on the intensity, duration and form of support you might have had at the time. And your reactions to the given situations.

Self-Doubt as a furthering form of Dissociation to avoid Underlying Pain

When you get hurt again and again by trusting too much or trusting too little, it contributes to the confusion of who you are. It gives rise to self-doubt, as your boundaries are either not present at all or too present and you don’t know how to change it.

Your energy becomes fragmented going from; hurt and dishonored vulnerability to issues around boundaries of whom to trust or not to trust into contributing to self-worth issues, self-doubt, and anxiety.

The more we feel activated the more we default into our coping emotions and habit patterns. These emotions and habits are self-doubt, anxiety and not feeling worthy.

When that keeps going on, periods of fatigue and depression will set in as you exhaust your adrenals and energy resources.

PTSD, Relationships, and Healing

When you start to understand these patterns deeply, you will create a variable in your hard-wired reactions. When you see how you fragment and dissociate, can you negate giving all your energy to self-doubt, anxiety, or fatigue and exhaustion.

While holding that space, can you question what is the underlying emotion that is present. Then, work to contain it bit by bit. Little steps of moving from connection and disconnection, back and forth.

Till you feel yourself slowly entering more into your body, processing the emotional residue that is present there.

There is no ‘how’ to it, but do it through observation.

How are relationships and having PTSD for you and how are you dealing with trust and self-doubt?

  • Tracy says:

    Thank you so much xxx

  • Summer says:

    So thankful for this website. Thank you so much for the time and energy poured into this work!

  • Neall says:

    Well said. . . . In the seventh paragraph, do you perhaps mean “there is some form of abuse or neglect or both are NOT present”? [rather than “both are present”].

    • Roland says:

      Hi Neall. I mean to say that both abuse and neglect might have been present for you.

      • Neall says:

        Re: Seventh paragraph, first sentence: Thanks for the clarification; I had read it as ‘both’ referring to ‘parents’ mentioned earlier in the sentence.

  • Holly says:

    Impeccable timing!

  • v says:

    Hi Sir, what does the photo at the end of this article represent (young guy with his eyes closed and hands of another holding the head with palms near mouth and thumbs above the eyes?)

  • Hele says:

    I’m not sure that I understand what you are saying. The way I know how to get out of dissociating (get back in my body, or lose the spacey distance between me and the world, is to swim laps, or bike 10+ miles, or ski (during season). But ultimately this is not processing, this is energy dumping. I did, however, just yesterday, observe the pain of activation, and try to self sooth by recognizing its source, and tell myself that even though I was feeling very unsafe, in fact I was safe. Also I observed, how i was feeling. (I thought sad and disappointed, little me said crushed to pieces) Then i went bike riding to diffuse the energy, and that helped. Not sure if this is what you are talking about , though.

    • Roland says:

      Hi Hele. Indeed it is that ability to hold a dual awareness of here-now as safety while going in then-there unsafety to help process emotional residue. At times, when we are to activated, to manage through physical activity is helpful as well though does not lead to resolution.

      • Lulu says:

        I agree. Resolution doesnt come from external sources. Excersise/shopping/substances/or any other behavior. The ability the self sooth and trust that we are safe within ourselves comes through allowing ourselves to feel. I speak from experience. I have only recently allowed myself to start exploring the pain and anxiety that I have spent years distracting or self medicating myself from. Its not easy. The enviroment we are in plays a massive role. The ability to feel safe elludes me. I have never been able to say I feel safe and secure in any place or enviroment. So I realized I never will until I look at what I have been running from all along.
        Excersise releases endorphins. Those endorphins help but they dont allow for true refelection and perspective.

  • Gracie says:

    This is so timely. Just this week I have expired generational trauma with my Therapist, who I trust and then don’t trust, open up to and then fight. He’s finally found a way to help me feel safe while exploring the trauma, feeling the emotions. Such a see-saw process. It was good to read this and get more insight into what I am going through.

  • Leah says:

    i am currently overtraumatised. i have cptsd, no doubt that, as do each of my four siblings. i rescued my brother financially only to have him fail to complete his end of the deal 2 years ago. i am 62, he is 65. I’m fraught with dealing with him ever again considering his actions abusive and disrespectful and destroying my trust in him. I’m tired of all the trials i’m given. i need to move and am frozen. i can’t do anything. i am simply over taxed. i need to get out of bed and can’t. how do i mobilize myself after continuous setbacks. i feel broken.

    • Neall says:

      You get a therapist or counsellor, find a spiritual teacher you feel a compatibility with; you spend time in nature, read uplifting books or watch inspiring videos; you take up yoga or tai ch’i, or singing or boxing; you pray, you meditate, you talk to compassionate friends; you find a creative outlet that you enjoy. In short, you find a support system that nourishes you. All this I had to find out how to do. . . . It takes courage to move forward from total stuckness; thankfully that courage resides within each of us, in our hearts. Good luck.

  • Angelina says:

    Helps to give self-awareness of what is going on – thank you.

  • Joanne says:

    Thank you! I’m slowly becoming more self aware with insightful articles. I endured daily bullying (trauma) because of a severe stutter that I had as a child as well as other traumas that has transformed into ptsd. This has wreaked havoc on my outlook in this life and my depresson has now reached its peak. This article describes me accurately that I thought about how so very sensitive I’ve become and that trust in others is a HUGE issue. Feelings of abandonement, humiliation, inferiority, jealousy, shame, dissociation, etc has followed me my entire life (I’m 58) and has lead to wanting to simply be invisible. How do I heal the pain? My pain feels so immense that feeling it is overwhelming that I become very anxious. Which book do you recommend?

  • Niki says:

    This is really weird. In the past week I finally believe that I might just dissociate. I could never relate to the description or feelings. However, I don’t remember much of anything and I’m frequently reminded of this at work and home. “I just told you that” or I will say “wait, what?” When someone is talking to me. I was completely unaware of this and most often I am unable to pin point or name what emotion I’m feeling. I also couldn’t identify with being hyper vigilant but noticed the past 2 days I have began obsessing over trauma related topics and not able to sleep until odd hours. (Around 6am) there’s a lot of irritability and anger for the slightest things like I could find a needle in a haystack. It’s scary and upsetting to start becoming more aware… but the need to finish these “obsessing” stories and connections is too overpowering. Like I need to do it. Almost as if my subconscious mind is aware of some innate need to finish… like when I become completely depressed and unmotivated to do anything…

  • Ladydamn says:

    But HOW do we let it go!?? I tell myself to over n over. I tell myself all kinds of things to get it to go! But nothing works! I have tried so many things over the yrs. I know it wasn’t my fault and nothing I could of done to stop things. I know it just happened fir whatever was wrong with them? They knew no better or whatever reason they had. It happened it’s over. But still all this anger and anxiety and other things are still running my emotional at times. My life at times..

  • Yvonne says:

    Thank you.

  • Soppy says:

    I’m now at the shut down stage. After failed relationships, I’m closing myself down

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