Exploring Emotional Boundaries
Karlee Holden and I explore emotional boundaries related to having dealt with an abusive childhood.
We attempt to find out what makes it so difficult to set emotional boundaries when there has been a lack of validation.
When you own your part, you immediately become better for yourself, everyone around you, and everything begins to flow.
Furthermore, we also look at neglect and a lack of boundaries and how that impacts us.
Karlee trained in Somatic Experiencing, Psychology, NLP, and Acting.
Here is her website: https://www.peaceoutstress.com/
And two books she wrote on trauma: https://www.peaceoutstress.com/books-2
Have a listen to our conversation and feel free to leave your comments below.
Thank you Roland for sharing this conversation with yourself and Karlee Holden on boundries. I have experienced myself the absolute importance of this practice and how it has effected (and still could if I am not aware of it) my whole life. I believe it was one of the most important steps I learned to open up my life and vision of myself and my recovery. I am always a “work in progress” but the light at the end of the horrific tunnel I had been crawling through for most of my life is now so much closer, bigger and brighter. Thank you both ☀️
Roland I always love how you always seem to throttle back when the people you are talking to start running ahead with how to heal, establish containment, boundaries and how everything that can be fixed and life become so wonderful etc etc. You seem to slow down the enthusiasm, always giving more acknowledgement of how hard it is to learn what sounds so easy and how important it is to go carefully.
Karlee’s positivity and enthusiasm provoked a fear response in me that was followed by a self loathing because it did. Feeling pathetic that even though I could understand and believed she was right (this is what I am “supposed” to be doing), it all felt beyond my ability.
For me, you seem to consistently say “go slow, stop and observe constantly, it will probably be a long road”, and this creates a safe space that I would be able to step into despite my intense fear. I can see you “get” the depth and complexity! As you constantly remind me of this, I am able to throttle back my inner critic that tells me how worthless I am because I am not “over it” yet.
I totally agree Karan
I was thinking while listening how solid and grounding Roland is in contrast , and I mean no offence, to the bubbliness of the other speaker
If someone has strong boundaries, I sometimes find myself rather in awe of this. There are layers belonging to boundaries that people observe before boundaries are even tested, and this saves people with strong boundaries from even having to practice their boundaries, for they command healthy boundaries leading up to all interactions. I guess this is where we want to be, in such a strong and comfortable place with ourselves that people are not enticed to test out boundaries and our perceived vulnerabilities.
So much of what you said resonates with me but is still outside of my grasp. The counselors that I have worked with in the last year are not doing any of the exercises you mentioned. How do I find a counselor that has the proper tools for decades of emotional abuse that has resulted in c-PTSD?
You could check out (and reach out) to Brain and Karlee on these pages –
https://rolandbal.com/emotional-boundaries/ and https://rolandbal.com/religious-trauma-syndrome/