There are many facets to understanding PTSD and dissociation. Today, I want to go deeper into what happens when belief and judgment take over and become props which you use to avoid your underlying pain.
Beliefs vary greatly, and can be acted out towards others through blame and judgment, or turned inward on oneself through self-reproach and guilt.
Beliefs and Attempting to Understand Their Role in PTSD
Beliefs easily get channeled into expectation, which is then projected onto something or someone. What further complicates this is that you accept your belief as reality.
For example, you want your spouse, sibling, or parent to be more attentive to you, but they aren’t. The expectation is that they should be. This belief is based on a notion of what is idealized, socially or otherwise, but the reality is often horribly different.
Beliefs easily get channeled into expectation, which is then projected onto something or someone. What further complicates this is that you accept your belief as reality.
This simple example easily gets complex when you consider and understand the dynamics of trauma and PTSD.
Dissecting Beliefs and Projection Further
The “should” or “shouldn’t,” whether projected towards oneself or towards others, is going to cause conflict. Judging oneself or others is a movement of dissociation and takes you away from what is.
When you have gone through neglect or abuse and are dealing with PTSD or CPTSD, there is a part of you that is hurting. That part of you looks for resolution by projecting towards an opposite. When you have experienced a lack of bonding, or lack of feeling appreciated and valued, you will seek for resolution by expecting to be appreciated and valued by your close friends, your partner, or your parents. This expectation is most often unconscious.
Your need for feeling valued and the belief that those close to you should fulfill that need continues to be based on a lack or perceived lack that you experienced in childhood; furthermore, feeling valued and appreciated can become something that you constantly demand from those close to you.
The Subtleties of Understanding PTSD Projection
Bear with me: it makes sense that you want to be valued and appreciated by those around you. I don’t question that. It is the “too much” that is the issue; your attempts to understanding PTSD and Dissociation overcompensate for the “lack of” or “too little” love that you received. It is that part that we are addressing here, because it is that which causes your patterns to reenact.
Once you realize that you are projecting your needs—through demands, expectations, and beliefs—and begin to understand how they relate to your hurt of not having those needs met as a child, that can help you to curb your acting out of that need.
Such realization and understanding also give you an entrance into meeting the pain of that lack of love and validation.
When you can change the direction of that movement which by default flows outward through projection, and can bring it inward to meet your initial hurt, you are on your pathway of healing.
Understanding the subtleties of PTSD is complex.
How do you find yourself being too demanding or having expectations of others that are too high? Leave your comments below.