How Your Own Past Childhood Abuse Can Affect Your Future Parenting Skills
We often times react based on our own painful experiences and we are likely not even aware that we are doing it.
As children when we go through abuse, for example, our mother repeatedly shouting and verbally abusing us, it marks us. It hurts, and out of that hurt we make decisions for ourselves, like: ‘I hate you’ or ‘I will never be like you’.
The Outcome of Reactive Patterns
By the time you yourself are an adult, this mindset has become totally integrated and you will act on it as your righteous reality.
For example, when you have your own children, you might find it hard to set boundaries or give them direction out of fear you will repeat your mother’s abusive behavior. It is a reactive pattern that will play itself out – going from one extreme, abuse, to another extreme, neglect, which can be equally harmful.
How Awareness Creates Potential for Change
Either extreme will do damage in some manner or another. Bringing awareness to these patterns and the underlying pain, gives us the opportunity to find the middle ground of neither too much nor too little.