The Emotional Charge of Trauma

Dealing with the emotional charge of trauma. There is no easy way or shortcut to healing from PTSD, CPTSD or Childhood Trauma. It’s tough work that might have repeated stages of breakdowns and breakthroughs.

The persistence of the symptoms and the emotional charge of CPTSD and PTSD is comprised of various variables.

Some of these are:

  • The duration of and which age you went through a traumatic incident or period.
  • In which emotional state you went into the traumatic event or period.
  • The support you received during and after the traumatic episode or incident.

The Emotional Charge of Early Life Trauma and its Consequences

Trauma deranges healthy nervous system build up and sets in motion adaptive survival patterns that have profound implications on one's character, relationships and overall functioning.

There is no easy way or shortcut to healing from PTSD, CPTSD or Childhood Trauma. It’s tough work that might have repeated stages of breakdowns and breakthroughs.

Coping Mechanisms become more Complex when a Traumatic Environment Persists

If an environment continues to be traumatic, as often is the case in child abuse and neglect, the developed survival patterns become deeply edged into one's behavior and become second nature. Hence the difficulty to move out of it.

What Happens just Before a Traumatic Incidence or Period remains with you Afterwards

You might remember the series M*A*S*H, a comedy of the ’70s and ’80s. In one of these, the surgeons explain about soldiers who go into surgery and anesthetics just coming from the battlefield with a high adrenaline emotional charge.

When they come by after their anesthetics they come out of it with that same adrenaline rush in their system still.

And this happens with all trauma. If you go into it with a strong emotion, then that emotion gets tied up within the body and nervous system. This bonding compounds situation even more and resuls in longer lasting implications.

How Support for PTSD Treatment can Make the Difference

Another difficulty that creates persistence of your PTSD symptoms and its emotional charge is the lack of support and understanding of your reactions from those around you. And, this can become part of a vicious cycle.

The less you feel understood and supported the more you withdraw, isolate or get upset creating further division between you and others.

Where to go from Here to Heal PTSD and CPTSD

When you consider the above, relate it to your particular story and are able to connect the dots as to the ‘why’ and ‘how’ – that already gives you a head start.

  1. It tells you it is important to create a support structure to help you to rebound from PTSD and CPTSD and it.
  2. That it is vital to consider the length and the age in which you went through neglect, abuse or incidental trauma and why your symptoms are as they are. Helping you to take away guilt, blame and/or self-reproach and paves the road to move forward.
  3. And to consider your state(s) of mind when you went into persistent traumatic situations or even incidences like surgery or car and falling accidents. Knowing these gives you a better overview of the complexity of your symptoms and emotional states.

How is your support or lack of support while dealing with the emotional charge of trauma? Leave your comments below.

  • Mary says:

    I have a good support system that when I allow them in are very helpful. As a single mom I mask and.cover a lot until I can’t. Then it takes months to get back to healthy again. I know this stems from being forced into a “mother” caretaker role at an extremely young age protecting my younger sister.

    • Roland says:

      A good support system is vital. Allowing them in can indeed be a tough one when one has been hurt before.

      • RM says:

        Agreed, particularly when the last person/people you trusted use everything you confided in them against you. They took your insecurities and past reactions to c/ptsd and manipulate you and others around you using this knowledge to isolate your support system and break you down. The most difficult thing to do is not react negatively or vengefully in return to these injustices to you, your children, and your character because that’s what they want and it always makes things worse. I definitely notice, as an empathetic, caring person, i most attract the narcissists. 👎

  • Michelle says:

    There is no support when your survival mechanism is one of shame such as addiction, behavioral (sex addiction) or substance abuse (drugs and alcohol) … what do you do then?

    • Roland says:

      When post-trauma and its symptoms gets stigmatized it indeed becomes harder to find the support you need.

    • Neall says:

      If there is a way out of these conditions for me, who was mired in hopelessness and despair for decades, then it is also possible for others. I now believe that there is a path to healing for everyone, and I am writing a book on the subject, “Through To The New: Overcoming Hopelessness and Despair through Higher Self Dialogue.”

    • Shere says:

      I had an abusive family and was a military bratt so never had lasting relationships with anyone outside the family. My ptsd was caused by sexual abuse as a 5 year old. Family became trigger points for me. And to this day dismiss me as crazy…the black sheep. The one to blame for everything but also the one they all expect to be there for them. I have no idea how to not have flashbacks when i sleep or blackouts when im hit or fear being hit. I wish i knew how to find support too. I havent done drugs or alcohol in over 16 years because i almost lost my children because of rumors that i was an addict. I wasnt an addict… My therapist said i was self medicating with pot. Im still looked down on by the people i love most. I seek support from strangers who i never tell my story to. Its the best i know to do. And i stay away from family as much as humanly possible because i knkw they trigger me and my blackoits can be dangerous. I cant rwmwmber and my loss of ability to articulate when im triggered makes me look crazy. I wish i knew where to find better support also.

      • Neall says:

        Your Higher Self within you is the beginning of your support system. Talk to ministers, Buddhist monks, anyone and everyone who has a perspective on ending suffering in life by finding the good parts within you. Learn to pray; learn to meditate; these things are within everyone’s grasp. Ask your Higher Power to guide you to people who care about you. We are not meant to live in the kind of suffering you appear to be in. But we are responsible for taking the first step; for finding “The Courage to Heal” (which is the name of a book). It will take courage to change your life (as I am finding the courage to change mine, one day at a time), to find some meaning and purpose for living; to feel that you deserve to be treated well. You can leave your family; it’s not a problem. But you will need to find a new, more positive one; that too is possible, as I’m finding. And to discover your creativity within you, to begin to do what you like to do. We all have this within us; but we have to take the first step. We have to “leave (the abusive) home” in order to build the kind of home we deserve. Please never quit seeking; perseverance is a quality we all can use more of. You can listen to Buddhist teachers on the Internet such as Ajahn Brahm of Perth, WA, with hundreds of videos on learning to like yourself, learning compassion, and freedom from all kinds of suffering — even worse than yours. But you have to be willing to ‘step out of what you know’ into the unknown, which can bring a better life. Good luck.

    • Z says:

      Absolutely loves wot you write…if you get any feedback on this…please let me know…Thanks*…. it’s something that I’ve always wanted answers to…

      • Neall says:

        Then you go on a search to find your Higher Power (within), which is larger than any condition. What is stopping you? . . . These problems (called, generally, ‘suffering’) have been faced by many people since the beginning of time. The answer to ‘the problems of life’ is to become spiritual. . . . If you would like some ideas on how to do that, let me know.

  • F. Shope says:

    This is the very issue I’ve encountered over and over again. The mental and emotional roller-coaster of feeling great, then shortly after things fall apart. There is a profound guilt which comes from not being “able to handle” things on my own. Throughout childhood and more so adulthood, the traumas experienced were never resolved. Not having a support system and the constant need for isolation have been the main elements which contribute to the non-progress or very short-lived progress in/for healing. At this point, even though there is no more motivation to keep going, I still do because I have a young child, and I know how painful it is to grow up without a mother (and because I hate the idea in my daughter being raised by her father due to my very low opinions of his personality that he is incapable in placing the needs of another before his own). It is a daily struggle, and I am passed the point of exhaustion and defeat. Concepts which although many others have similarly have gone or are going through, the feeling of loneliness and hopelessness are so overwhelming that it feels like I alone have to battle- and what it seems to always lose

    • Roland says:

      Hello F. Shope. Thanks for sharing. Hope you find some solace here with like minded people.

    • Donkieoatie says:

      I’m so sorry you are going through this. I know what you are going through. I’m 62 now and have had a lifetime of abuse and mental illness due to it. My father was an alcoholic and drug addicted sadistic narcissist and my mother was and emotionally ill religious fanatic. I had zero support. My sister’s husband sexually assaulted me from age 9 to 15 when I threatened him with arrest. Still zero support. I attempted suicide multiple times with serious intent. No one even noticed. Then a long parade of narcissistic men in my life with the last one almost killing me. Psychotherapy is imperative. I also listen to as many YouTube videos that I can about anything that I feel is bothering me. I love Marianne Williamson, Wayne Dyer, the Course in Miracles, Pema Chodron, Thich Nhat Han, Eckhart Tolle, and anyone that seems to speak to me. I’m making progress in leaps and bounds by focusing on finding my authentic Self, my inner light and true forgiveness of mySelf and others. I have made a complete break from my family of enablers since my brother in law was chose by them over me. I’m finding my own strengths again. You can too. You are not alone in your empty lonliness. But you don’t have to hold on to it. Start helping yourself and your tribe, those people who are drawn to your inner light through goodness, will find you. Sending you blessings of love and understanding. Hugs to you.

    • Cmar says:

      I could copy and paste your story as my own 10 years ago. The exception perhaps is that i understand more and more clearly now that the ups and downs and need for isolation coupled with extreme fear of people and then shame of not being able, once willing to try, to connect with others. The failure to connect was due, in part and its so much more complex but simply put, to not being able to regulate emotions. People couldnt feel safe with me. People seem wired to run from dysregulation, pain in others which just keeps us stuck. It shouldnt be this way but it is. Therapy helped/s…slow but sure. Mind-body things i can do on my own helps regulate. I say this all as a reflection for myself as much as to reach out to you. I still struggle. I remember being *done* alone, over it. Sime days in some ways i go back to that place. I too had a little girl to care for and didnt want to repeat the neglect cycle. Shes almost grown. Shes seen the struggle. She will have her own. I will be stronger and wiser to keep walking with her through lifes ups and downs more and more safely and securely. Its hard but i am worth it as much as she is. You are too. Much love to you from a fellow cptsd’r.

  • Hele says:

    I have support to the level of their understanding. Today is Mother’s Day here in the USA, and I began the day mildly dissociated. This grew worse as the day went on, even though my very loving daughter had taken me out for Brunch. Nothing has gone wrong this day, and everyone is being wonderful. I found the need to isolate, so I am in my room trying to figure out what is going on with me. I guess on some level (beyond my scope of any specific memories) my body is reacting to childhood holidays. I am ruining a day that my family is trying to make special for me, by isolating. They do try to understand, but they don’t experience life the way I do, sometimes. I wish I could take in their goodness to me.

    • Ckelly says:

      Dear Hele,
      When I found myself in a similar situation, I just found the best thing for me to do was to ground and protect myself with a really big self-hug and say I’m Ok, It’s Ok it’s really safe to me to be me. Even If I didn’t feel like doing it initially, I tried just a couple of times with very deep breathing to allow the feelings pass and just said gently, I’m Ok. or whatever else will assist with self soothing. By simply crossing the arms gently across the upper part of ones body, it automatically breaks the sensation of not being able to stay in one’s body. Happy Mother’s Day!!

      • Hele says:

        Thank you CKelly, I will add that to my toolbox. I hope you too had a nice Mother’s Day. (assumption made)

  • Susan says:

    My case is one of medical and neglect for over 30 years, very sad considering I am a registered nurse and always did my best give compassion and caring to my patients. I received no support from family or friends due to their lack of understanding of what it is like to be medically abused and deal with an untreated chronic illness. I believe public awareness is essential for those to receive the support we so desperately need!

    • Roland says:

      Public awareness would certainly make the difference in terms of support and dropping stigma around trauma!

    • Lyndsay says:

      Like you, I am a nurse who devoted myself to helping others for over 25 years. My daughter has been my main source of support since I had to leave work 2 years ago with PTSD. My only other support is a friend who has her own mental health issues. It has been an overwheming and very sad time for me.

      • Neall says:

        Please do not stay stuck in your suffering any longer than necessary. “The answer to the problems of life (small or large) is to become spiritual.” . . . I heard these words in my mind a few years ago, and I am doing everything in my power to follow them. I have read every spiritual book I could get my hands on (one of them, “Walking Through Illusion” by Betsy Otter Thompson, I have read 13 times). I’ve studied yoga and meditation, psychic healing, Jungian psychology, 12-Step Recovery, ACoA, dream analysis, prayer, psychotherapy, talked to many ministers and healers, started working out at the gym, began to live a disciplined life of ‘one day at a time’, etc. etc. etc. Still, I feel as if I’ve only begun to scratch the surface of what lies within me, underneath the surface of a life of decades of chronic illness. I’m puzzled as to what prevents people commenting on this site from doing the same. We are not meant to live on our knees.

    • David says:

      I was neglected from young age and live a huge height of traumatic loss then experiencing still enduring the aftermath of a period of torture with traumatic abuse of a sustained prolonged nature – i had no therapeutic support from a young age and was in the wilderness for decades received nothing a living nightmare – the Torture period has eroded me existing at all remaining horrifically abused still – the medical profession utterly dreadful at picking up a young man living in dissociation then put me through criminal medical negligence has an adult causing just a part of this extreme period – i am also a lovely man regularly doing kind deeds and living an heroic fight – the dreadful medical NHS once tried to guilt me for their own neglect – i am glad that living in the wilderness made me a tough superhuman and being with right therapist which i pay for myself the only trusted option. A lot of people have been supportive – the ones who aren’t in the context of who you are and how impossible it is living with Complex-Trauma battle then it says who they are themselves – they cannot reference you in ignorance. With my life now overwhelmingly more human beings are on the appropriate end in how to respect acknowledge me

      • lana mar says:

        WOW- a real, true to life Tarzan!!
        Your connection with nature and animals has to be incredible. And a finely tuned instinct!! And so much more… Wow!!!

  • Jackie says:

    Support can be available through a stable safe environment which I have created. From this platform of security I feel ready to explore possibilities which may lead towards recovery. I seek support from proffesional organisations rather than individuals on a personal basis. I feel I have begun to build a place of safety and an environment in which I am in control. I believe I am making good choices to support my recovery.

  • DeeJay P says:

    Support, or lack of seems to be the biggest challenge for me and I suspect for the majority of others like me. I want to believe its an awareness situation. My area doesnt have many therapists who specialize in trauma as deep as CPTSD and I live in the Bay Area in Northern California. In fsct, I had an appointment with a Dr and I knew more about CPTSD and the symptoms than he did. He never heard of Complex PTSD and he literally rolled his eyes as I was explaining my findings. Needless to say, I walked out. Furthermore, our behaviors and lack of trust tend to push people away so we are abandoned by our closest friends. Employers have no idea what to do to support an employee who has this condition. It’s even a risk saying anything for fear of being fired for having mental health issues. Therefore , many of us keep it to ourself and eventually get fired for disciplinary issues or my favorite, attendance.

    Frankly, I think it’s terrible that there is a HUGE population that suffer from this “disorder” when we had no choice in the matter. It’s not like we asked to be abused for years and years. I’ve read the powers that be are hoping to change our diagnosis to an injury which I can only pray for because then the public will look at this different.

    Bottom line…. we need public awareness. We are grown adults who were abused as children and now suffer the consequences from another person’s action. June is PTSD awareness month and I will move heaven and earth to my voice heard! I am no longer willing to be quiet about this. It’s been considered an epidemic in yhe U.S. and possibly world wide.

  • Frances says:

    I have been in denial and largely unaware about how severe my PTSD is, until recently. I am becoming aware that so much of who I am has been affected by past experience of rejection by my mother, an absent father, severe physical abuse, a near drowning 3 years ago, and most recently, an attempted rape and strangulation, during which I fought relentlessly for my life. I regularly have flashbacks, struggle to sleep, isolate most of the time and battle to maintain friendships/relationships. I have heightened anxiety, trust no one and my hair is still falling out in chunks, etc. I live in a very remote area in a seriously conservative community where no one knows about my history and the attitude around here someone of struggling is “just suck it up”. Are there any online support groups which I could join, to chat to other PTSD sufferers?

    • Janey says:

      I also experienced an attempted rape and strangulation, in October 2008. I’ve experienced some terrifying things in my life, but that was the most terrifying of all – knowing that someone intends to harm you and you’re wondering how long it’s going to take to die.

    • Roland says:

      The site myptsd(.)com has a pretty active forum. I am available for online counseling if that is an option for you.

  • Sheilagh says:

    I cannot remember what happened to me but I know something did. How do i remember? I have no recollection of my childhood from very little to around 10 years old.

    • Roland says:

      Hello Sheilagh. Amnesia, to various degrees, is often present with post-trauma. It is in place to protect you but cuts off some of your resources as well and might give rise to symptoms. To start to work on this I would suggest to work with a counselor who is versed in dissociation and trauma personally.

  • Terry says:

    Just at the start of my traumawork ..just completed a twelve step programme to come of alcohol would not have got anywere while I was self medicating. need to learn to keep things simple thought..not easy with such a wide range of options out there. is an issue to ..I can not to afford to pay a lot of money to talk to a therapist every week for years .I.need short term cost effective solutuions that will have long term results.

    • Cmar says:

      I read books…the body keeps the score by bessel vanderkolk, pete walker’s website and book-cptsd from surviving to thriving. This site is very good AND the commentary is solution oriented with empathic responses from experienced people. Online resources…myptsd(.)com, facebook has some cptsd groups. Dont get weighed down by he suffering as you educate yourself on the condition. Instead do small things everyday to care for yourself. Stay open to support from others who understand cptsd or are willing to try to.

  • Raymona says:

    I never had any support. I have always been alone in my suffering.

    • Neall says:

      There is no need to be alone just because one is suffering. This is one of the biggest lessons I am continuing to learn. In my explorations of Buddhism, I attended a large temple in the Lower Mainland region of British Columbia and was given a tour. As I was leaving, I heard the following words in my mind: “I had thought that because I was suffering I needed to be alone; but it was being alone that was most of the suffering.” . . . Buddhists are experts in dealing with suffering. You and me, we’re not that special after all. Sometimes we want to feel ‘special’ and so we stay alone with our suffering, “Oh, woe is me.” . . . We fail to understand that the ego (the suffering victim) may be running our life . . . instead of the spirit. Break out of the box of suffering. Make a ‘special effort’; find some courage . . . I dare you.

  • E says:

    I do not have a support system. I only have my mom and it is not helpful and only causes fighting between us. I am still caught in the behavior when I speak to my brother who lives in another state. I have isolated myself and realized that no one wants to hear anything negative and I am looking for a new therapist to talk to. Mine moved and began own practice and I know that is part of the problem. No one seems to treat trauma as you do. Like the therapists just are not trauma informed. I worked in the field and would teach therapist about a trauma informed environment and trauma informed care. It is hard to find someone to help me.

  • Elizabeth says:

    Having someone with whom I could slowly build up trust with- as a therapist, has eluded me.
    I have seen several Doctors who are considered top in the field, but never long enough to build up the trust needed to do this kind of work.
    I became weary of the lack of support from my family a long time ago. I’m no longer “good” at relationships anymore, so I am living far from my loved ones, alone. It has been a learning time.
    As for awareness, I have long been an advocate, and have written many articles. There appears to be an underlying oddity regarding all dissociative disorders. I was unable to break through in any effective manner.
    Acceptance, while still recovering snippets of memories, seems to be where I am. It bothers people in my life to hear that I’m in acceptance mode, as they feel it means I have given up. I fluctuate back and forth about that, myself. But, I’ve exhausted every resource. So, acceptance does not seem far-fetched to me at 56 years of age.

    • Hele says:

      Elizabeth, acceptance with continued growth and learning isn’t so bad, just continue to be curious about what you are learning and how it pertains to you. I think that is important.

  • Bill says:

    I just had my first PTSD episode yep months ago. Until then I figured it had skipped past me. At age 56 that was for other folks.
    My abuse started at age two and lasted till age 14. Severe beatings, mental accuse and being locked in my bedroom for an entire summer. Perfectionism was the norm, only A’S were allowed otherwise beatings.
    There are things I witnessed after being given back to my parents.
    As for support the episode caught my of guard. Begin without insurance will most likely find me working through this solo.

  • Paul says:

    I’ve been following your posts/articles with great interest. I suffered severe mental, physical and emotional abuse from around the age of 7/8 through to 16/17/18 when I ran away from home.

    Now in my late 40s and in the UK, a couple of severe breakdowns in the last four years have left me diagnosed with BPD (among other things – hyper-vigilance, conversion disorder, hallucinations (auditory and visual), myalgia etc.) and left pretty much on my own (with medication) to try and improve; without much success away from the home (ie very reclusive).

    I have been trying to take some of your advice on board (successfully) and I wonder which of your books would be best to start. I’d like to try and understand the whole sequence of events, conditioning and survival mechanisms that my child used and which are now so debilitating.

    Many thanks 🙂

    • Roland says:

      Hi Paul. Thanks for your comment here and happy to hear the articles resonate with you and are of help. As to the ebooks – I think they all complement each other. I would suggest to read them in this sequence; ‘the way of trauma’, ‘lost in labyrinth’, ‘past present future’ and ‘awakening’. Keep connected.

  • Lindsay says:

    Had a very traumatic life event recently. Tried to deal in isolation, and just minimally with his friends. I felt that reaching out to my own family and would damage his reputation, which I did not want in case there was a path forward for us as a couple. I sought counseling late and found that scheduling appointments few and far between is not adequate for immediate crisis management. Ended up getting emotionally and mentally lost, and dealt with things very very badly. It’s really important not to deal in isolation, and to have your own trusted support structure in place comma people that know us intimately and know our history. Maybe it’s someone close who can allow us to deal with our own shit quietly but still be there to help us manage and function day today by providing their companionship. Is in your own trusted support structure means you can trust immediately that things are confidential, and that no matter how messed up your perceptions are comma your people know you and know that you are just going through a temporary boat of insanity. Only the people that love you and know you intimately, who have seen you in your good times and bad, can remind you of Who You Are. I would never suggest dealing with life traumatic events in isolation. Find either a complete stranger, or go home to family and friends and look after yourself first, not the reputation of others. don’t let yourself drown the way I did.

  • Leesa says:

    I learned a lot by reading everyone’s posts. My PTSD is from 6 years of battling with the med system for our son He suffered for up to 18 hours at a time in ER all the while I sc reame d it was his heart … no one would listen or check it out it was chalked up to mental heath … In the 6th yr on Dr. called it right he was 23 yrs old an in atrial fibrillation. .. I still h av e flashbacks of all my attempts to get a nurse or DOC to at least look in to his heart.
    q years later it was All heart related a genet ic diagnoses now both hear t stuff! we lost 5 years of precious time the diagnosis’ will take him young….

  • Shaz says:

    I was rejected by my unmarried birth mother then adopted by a mother who rejected me. Her father molested me from 3yrs to 10 yrs. She left me to cope on my own also told me she didn’t want to adopt me but did so for my drunken violent father and my much older brothers. She made me listen to the song Don’t it make my brown eyes blue because she longed for the daughter she lost and I was an inadequate reminder every day. I have PTSD and depression and anxiety disorder along with other diagnosed problems. Do you really think reading certain books are going to help?? I doubt it.

    • Neall says:

      Many people who have been through unspeakable horrors (I am one of them) take up the spiritual search: the search for an expanded life, for healing, for meaning and purpose and justice. Why not you? Reading books is only a start. Study online. There are teachers who understand pain as deep as yours (and mine). You may have been abandoned by people, but you have never been abandoned by your Higher Self. I’m someone who found out (yes, just 40 years of searching). So you are not unique in your suffering, but everyone (including you) is welcome to the search for meaning.

  • Dora says:

    Dear Roland,
    what you write ‘helps’ me clarify parts of myself. The major difficulty in the so called PTSD is ignorance. Not knowing what is happening to me. Feeling like going crazy. I was brought up with a… generational legacy of abuse – physical/ emotional – stuck in the survival mode, in this fight/flight/freeze/please mode. I guess for me it was in my first breath – even before that. It ‘molded’ the way i perceive myself and of course how i project myself.
    The major difficulty and in the same time the biggest lesson for me lies there. It requires to be dealt with, ‘transformed’. Personally, i started looking for answers in psychology, so i became a student in Focusing & Person Centered approach, with group and one-to-one personal therapy, coupled with a ‘spititual search’…
    Thank you for your work, it touches me truthfully.

  • Hele says:

    To quote Roland, ” “the less you feel understood and supported, the more you withdraw, isolate or get upset creating further divisions between you and others.”

    Man, how do you know so much…
    Lately I am feeling like, it is not really support, but rather, Oh I don’t know, being nice so I don’t get up set, or “poor Hele.”.. a feeling sorry for me, whenever I try to share the struggle… a fake listening, because they don’t understand anyway. ( Maybe I am just feeling sorry for my self right now, and I hate that.
    I give 5 more minutes to my pitty party of one, then go do something constructive, something fun, something with people. It is so easy to isolate. I do question if healing is really possible. 4 minutes left…

  • LJW says:

    WOW…… I have to say that your articles are so utterly eye opening…. I had no idea Thete was such a thing as CPTSD, in fact I had never heard of PTSD until 1992 when I was sent to a shrink… I served in Vietnam in 1968, came home and got on with my life, or so I thought, but compounding the problem was the fact that my parents, my grandparent and my older sister had all been prisoners of war under the Japanese…. Believe me when I say that I had no idea that all that was now part of my experience… It’s now 2017 and I still struggle daily trying to make sense of my thoughts and actions. Of all the ‘experts’ I have seen, no one has ever joined the dots for me. Thank you. Now at age 70 I want to find my way clear of this mess.

  • Nina says:

    I am noticing that as I am doing my healing journey some of the support that I need are extremely vital….doctors. Right now I do not have the support of my doctors. One is hopeful though, my psychiatrist and possibly my belly doc, gastroenterology doc . My family doc is very difficult especially since I have legitimate pain and he refuses to prescribe the pain meds I need as opposed to the ones I want. As well I must give credit to my other gastroenterology doc who does my colonoscopies. He’s pretty bang on with my situations. These are very important support people as they are my health care professional. I now know who my other emotional supports are for the time being, and they are many and diverse in their support. If it was not for them I don’t think I could survive all that I’m going through, as my family doc pointed out, not many survive what I went through at the end of September, or November for that matter. I do have recommended literature that is helping me out and plan on continuing my healing journey. Thank you Roland Bal and everyone else here for your continued guidance.

  • Elizabeth says:

    I was told to get over it, that it shouldn’t still be affecting me a year later, that I’m romanticizing it, and that it looks weird when I stare off into space, dissociating. That I need to try harder. They tried to give me advice, which wasn’t helpful. It hurts.

  • Andy says:

    Reading this article explains soo much I can relate to. Sadly I have had NO treatment nor support at all. I suffer from depression and severe anxiety as it is.Last psychiatrist I saw added Chronic PTSD. Being disabled with Medicare I cannot afford to see all specialists to help with many health issues..After an attempt on my life while asleep by my sisters girlfriend I was sharing a house with I was disowned by my family by pressing charges. My siblings even lied in court to protect this thing..My head is spinning with all I deal with.Maybe things will change with the healthcare in the USA..Til then I and many suffer needlessly….
    I will continue to follow you Roland….

    • Nina says:

      Hi Andy…I can so relate on the siblings front. I was sexually, emotionally, financially abused by my father and when I went to the police in the very early 1990s and the police charged him with incest…I was disowned by my family. Because I made big changes in my life…getting into recovery from alcohol and other drugs my family wearily welcomed me back in the family fold. I ended up getting closure from both my parents before they died. However, whether it was because I did not go to my father’s funeral or they were both gone, my relationship with most of my sibling has gone back to the weariness side of things. Fortunately I live in Canada and most of my health care is covered, however it took a huge crisis back in November for me to even get a psychiatrist. Keep talking Andy and please do not lose hope for yourself in getting to a better place emotionally.

      • Andy says:

        Thank you Nina..For a long time I was told I must forgive all who hurt me to move foward. I do have a therapist who told me that is old school.If I do not want to forgive,fine..But to move foward with my life…It really helps to hear how others dealt with similiar situations.Always good to see different points of view..Thanks again!!

        • Nina says:

          Hi Andy…yes that forgiveness is old school. There are quite a few that caused so much damage to me that there is no freaking way I can forgive that. That’s OK with me. I am moving forward; some days are difficult and some days are easier. I just take it one day at a time, one moment at a time.

  • Derwood says:

    My mother was a bully and resented and constantly shamed me. Through her 9 marriages and countless boyfriends I was an inconvenience to her. My grandmother attempted to intervene and raise me but this just gave me a safe place for my mother to tear me away from. I was constantly changing schools and homes and role models. After a series of attempted suicides by her, I left home at 15 and have been trying to make my way ever since. I came-out a few years later and have lived a life rooted in drugs, alcohol, and sex. In 2013 my grandmother died and it was devastating for me. I have quit drinking and narcotics but with that came a crushing realization that I am not like everyone else. Now I isolate. The platitudes I get from friends are meaningless and the advice simply triggers me. I have no support, no friends, no family, and after abusive relationships, have no desire to be in one. I have lost my job, can barely pay rent, buy food, or pay bills. I am now 53 an A student and trying to get a degree but that keeps going south too. I was a better high functioning addict and now I am utterly defeated. Therapists, counsellors, and doctors do nothing except apply the same standard to me as anyone from a healthier environment; no one understands. I keep trying to fix shit but it just keeps getting worse. All I really want is a sense of security, I can be alone and isolate if I just had that. It was only two weeks ago that I found C-PTSD and STD and scored 7 on ACE. Somehow knowing what it is I suffer from, makes me feel even more alone and misunderstood. I have read Frankl, Bouvior, Kant, and Locke but find a greater void in myself while I decipher some of our great philosophers. Maybe there is no hope.

  • Devon says:

    No support just hate and blame from first trauma 2.5 second trauma 4.5 7 years old 10 years old.. 11- 19. 0-36 my mother.. I should really write a book but can you believe I have still not sat down and told my full story to ANYONE

  • Cecilia says:

    I was a victim of childhood trauma, as was my mother before me and my daughter after me.

    I grew up with a mother who had severe suicidal ideation. I could not be honest about anything I went through for fear she would attempt suicide again. My family blamed me for her attempts.

    I was in a mentally abusive marriage- I was constantly told thati would lose my children if I left , not only by my husband, but by my family too.

    I did leave and became involved with another mentally abusive man, who years after he was gone, I found out he hurt my child when she was very young.

    At this time, I had 3 major surgeries to tendon damage in my ankle. I lost everything that I had to a hurricane that flooded my hospital at the time of my second. I lost my job and have had a difficult time making ends meet.

    My family and friends can not understand my emotional reactions to situations of mthe way I free in fear and have difficulty making decisions. My family and friends have abandoned me because I’m so depressed and feel incredibly shamed by my situation Dealing with a traumatized daughter makes it even more pronounced. Her father does not understand or believe in depression and does not keep her in therapy consistently. I can’t afford her therapy or medications.

    I feel very isolated, misunderstood, and alone. The therapy I’ve received is CBT done by therapy students, so basically I’ve been told to forget about my past and just be happy. It doesn’t work. I need help. I have to prepare for a trial( regarding my surgeries) and I can’t talk it without breaking down and having extreme anxiety or anger outbursts when I feel misunderstood or trivialized. I don’t know what to do

  • Cynthea says:

    I had no support as a young child dealing with the the trauma of dehumanisation, neglect and emotional abuse. Other traumas I have experienced throughout my life I have had little support and have been left me so alone and bereft. I truly believe it had a huge detrimental effect on me as a person and in any sort of recovery.
    Support, caring, acceptance – love – is so crucial in recovery and healing.

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