Developmental Attachment Trauma

Developmental Attachment Trauma

The field of trauma is really vast. When we think of trauma we most likely identify with traumatic incidents or prolonged child abuse and neglect. We do not consider developmental attachment trauma bonds and how they impact and attract furthering traumatic experiences and partners in life.

We attract our partners based on character traits of our father or mother. We either end up with our partner having similar character traits to our parents or exact opposite ones; most of it happens unconsciously.

We re-enact deeply ingrained patterns through a set of reactions, and when we find ourselves struggling with similar situations as adults, we ask ourselves ‘how the hell did I end up here again?’.

Developmental Attachment Trauma Bonds

To explain it very simply: we basically have three ‘faulty’ attachment bonds and they really shape the fundamentals of our character:

1. One is where a parent is overbearing and controlling, leaving you no space to develop your own identity.
2. Number two is where you are left to your own devices with lack of support even to the point of neglect.
3. And the last one fits between two states where you might find yourself being yelled at or ‘frozen’ out by a parent on the one hand, and the next moment being showered with regrets and confessions of love.

All three attachment bonds are subject to various degrees of intensity, that define the level of developmental attachment trauma that might be affecting your life.

Finding One’s Way Out of Developmental Attachment Trauma

It can take time to begin realizing that you are not attracting the right people in your life and how this relates to your specific attachment bond. And it takes some effort to work through it and starting to get the right people and partner to begin taking notice.

But then when you do all this, it all begins to fall into place, and attracting the right people into your space becomes easier and fun. It creates synergies!

As always – you will have to work at it and work diligently and now is as good a time as any to start!

Dive deeper into this topic by reading

The Trauma Essential Series

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Comments

  1. Tamara  January 12, 2016

    So your saying that were pre-determined to mary an abuser if we’ve been abused as children?

    reply
    • Roland  January 12, 2016

      I am certainly not saying that we are pre-determined to mary an abuser but it is well know that we might attract similar situations that involve forms of abuse if it remains an unresolved pattern. This is also referred to as reenactment. It is not meant as black and white statement and as the only truth. Fortunately many of us go through changes that helps us break away from the past and allows for more self-love and thereby attracting other ‘positive’ people in our lives. I think it is valid work to examine and resolve our ‘parental-relationship’ patterns to ‘become’ an inter-dependent and resilient human being.

      reply
      • Tamara  January 12, 2016

        In my own experience it is true. I just wondered the connection between myself and others. I have an online group for women who have been abused, domestic sexual violence victims. I thought the info could help my group. Thanks.

        reply
  2. Tammy  January 12, 2016

    Thank you for sharing this!

    reply
    • Roland  January 12, 2016

      Most welcome!

      reply
  3. Antonia  January 12, 2016

    I think your site is amazing, I have CPTSD and this site has helped me understand a lot of my behaviors. I look forward to my next read. Thank you so much.

    reply
    • Roland  January 12, 2016

      Great!

      reply

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