Attachment Trauma and Attachment Bonds

Attachment Trauma and Attachment Bonds

Attachment trauma is a disruption in the important process of bonding between a baby or child and primary caregiver.

The field of trauma is quite vast. When you think of trauma, you most likely identify with traumatic incidents or prolonged child abuse and neglect. You often do not consider attachment trauma and attachment bonds and how these impact and attract further traumatic experiences and even partners in life.

You attract your partner based on the character traits of your father or mother. And, either you end up with a partner who has similar character traits to our parents, or exact opposite ones. Most of this choosing happens unconsciously.

You reenact deeply ingrained patterns through a set of reactions. When you find yourself struggling with similar situations as adults, you might ask yourself, “How the heck did I end up here again?”

Attachment Trauma and Attachment Bonds

To explain it very simply, you basically have three “faulty” attachment bonds and they really shape the fundamentals of your character:

One is where a parent is overbearing and controlling, leaving you no space to develop your own identity; the second occurs when you are left to your own devices with lack of support even to the point of neglect; and the last one fits between two states where you might find yourself being yelled at or “frozen” out by a parent on the one hand, and the next moment being showered with regrets and confessions of love.

All three attachment bonds are subject to various degrees of intensity, that define the level of developmental attachment trauma that might be affecting your life.

Finding One’s Way Out of Attachment Trauma

It can take time to begin realizing that you are not attracting the right people in your life and how this relates to your specific attachment bond. It takes some effort to work through it and start to get the right people and partner to begin taking notice.

When you start doing this, it all begins to fall into place. Attracting the right people into your space becomes easier and creates synergies!

As always, you will have to work at it and work diligently.

» Dive deeper into this topic by reading The Trauma Essential Series →

What is your attachment bond?

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  • Tamara says:

    So your saying that were pre-determined to mary an abuser if we’ve been abused as children?

    • Roland says:

      I am certainly not saying that we are pre-determined to mary an abuser but it is well know that we might attract similar situations that involve forms of abuse if it remains an unresolved pattern. This is also referred to as reenactment. It is not meant as black and white statement and as the only truth. Fortunately many of us go through changes that helps us break away from the past and allows for more self-love and thereby attracting other ‘positive’ people in our lives. I think it is valid work to examine and resolve our ‘parental-relationship’ patterns to ‘become’ an inter-dependent and resilient human being.

      • Tamara says:

        In my own experience it is true. I just wondered the connection between myself and others. I have an online group for women who have been abused, domestic sexual violence victims. I thought the info could help my group. Thanks.

  • Tammy says:

    Thank you for sharing this!

  • Antonia says:

    I think your site is amazing, I have CPTSD and this site has helped me understand a lot of my behaviors. I look forward to my next read. Thank you so much.

  • Lizzie says:

    I’d like to work with someone on this specific issue. Who would be best? Many thanks.