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Complex Trauma & PTSD Support Resources 2023

New services:

  1. Exclusive Articles Subscription

Each month, on the 10th, 20th, and 30th, you will get access to a new article of 700+ words, all of which are original, exclusive, and non-AI-written. These articles will provide you with valuable insights and guidance on working through complex trauma and PTSD. 

To your recovery,

Roland

The Trauma Care Exclusive Package


Start reversing the process of dissociation with The Trauma Essentials Series & The Trauma Care Meditations

Course on Healing from Narcissistic Abuse


When you have decided that enough is enough; healing from narcissistic abuse 

Course On Sleep & Insomnia

Related to Post-Traumatic Stress


Improve restless sleep, sleeplessness & insomnia

Online Counseling with Roland Bal


Individual counseling is like taking an airplane; you cover the distance much faster

PTSD support resources 2022

PTSD Support Resources 2022

Here are all the new articles, videos, and courses of this year.

I hope you will take your time to read, listen, or reread these resources.

Here are the posts:

  1. How to work on your containment
  2. Why you are being manipulated to groupthink
  3. PTSD & why you gain weight
  4. You are victim-blaming! Your courses should be free! You have no qualifications!

Here are the videos/podcasts:

  1. Homeopathy Health-Inn Show (I come on at 18:10min)
  2. The Trauma Therapist Podcast with Guy MacPherson

To your recovery,

Roland

The Trauma Care Exclusive Package


Start reversing the process of dissociation with The Trauma Essentials Series & The Trauma Care Meditations

Course on Healing from Narcissistic Abuse


When you have decided that enough is enough; healing from narcissistic abuse 

Course On Sleep & Insomnia

Related to Post-Traumatic Stress


Improve restless sleep, sleeplessness & insomnia

Online Counseling with Roland Bal


Individual counseling is like taking an airplane; you cover the distance much faster

All Trauma Support Resources 2021

All Trauma Support Resources 2021

It has been a year of challenges and extremes once again.

Not sure which tops it; 2020 or 2021?

To wrap it up, here are all the articles and videos that have been published this year (click on each link to go to the article or video):

I have also created two new courses:

You can get early access now, for subscribers only, to the course on Healing from Narcissistic Abuse.

Additional material will be added over the next few months. You can lock in your lifetime access for a discounted price here:

Get access to the course on Healing from Narcissistic Abuse. Lock-in your lifetime access, including any future updates, right now. Learn more about:

  • Narcissistic Abuse & The Need for Validation Through Control, Manipulation & Subjugation.
  • Codependency,  The Attraction to An Abuser, Dis-empowerment & The Need for Narcissistic Supply. 
  • The Dynamic Between The Please-Appease and Narcissistic Personality.
  • Nervous System Rewiring &The Fear of Rejection When Exploring Boundaries. 
  • Institutional Narcissistic Abuse & The Inner Work Preceding Over "Changing The World."

And, the second course of the year is On Sleep & Insomnia Related to Post Traumatic Stress.

You can find more info on what exactly is in it by following the button below.

Get The Full Course On Sleep & Insomnia Consisting of 5 Somatic Meditations that Cover:


  • Trying to Overcome Sleep & How It Creates Conflict
  • Addressing The Deeper Layers of Why You Can't Sleep
  • Physiological Tools to Help You Sleep
  • When Sleep Is Your Escape, Your Dissociation
  • Burnout, Pleasing, Sleep Issues, and Post-Traumatic Stress

To your recovery!

Roland

Trauma Support Resources 2020

Trauma Support Resources 2020

It has been a year of extremes. A year of division, of polarities.

When dealing with Post-Traumatic Stress, you may have found yourself sliding back into some of your old survival responses, due to external stresses triggering you, and I think this is normal given the circumstances.

It has been a hard year for many, with addiction, suicide, domestic violence, and PTSD on the rise.

I am not going to paint you a rosy colored picture of the state of affairs. There is a breakdown of society, a centralization of power, and it is likely going to last awhile before things will start to look brighter.

From a larger perspective, there are cycles of contraction and expansion of consciousness happening continuously in lesser and larger degrees. What we may find ourselves in right now is an extreme contraction which is visible in our collective and individual psychology.

What was hidden is emerging and showing itself in all its colors.

This is a time for change and transformation; to heal and confront the parts of ourselves that we weren’t willing or able to see and that have now come to the forefront.

The challenge is not getting pulled into reaction, into polarization, into division. The moment that energy flows outward into “what should” or “what shouldn’t be”, there is a moving away from being able to observe oneself and heal one’s broken parts.

I agree, this is incredibly hard to do when you are already dealing with Post-Traumatic Stress and on top of that the current social climate, but certainly possible!

It might be the time to move our attention away from the old paradigm, knowing that any reaction will feed but more energy to it.

As the year is winding to an end, I wanted to share the resources that I produced this year.

I also want to keep that focus on healing, on possibility, on community, on creativity, on being attuned, amidst all the turmoil.

Here goes:

  1. Negative Body Image, Eating Disorders and Complex Trauma
  2. Fight-Flight-Freeze Responses and The Vagus Nerve
  3. Fight or Flight Examples: Attraction, Reaction, and Reenactment
  4. [VIDEO] The Process of Dissociation
  5. Are You Being Consumed by Your Reality?
  6. [VIDEO] Emotional Boundaries, PTSD, and Complex Trauma
  7. [NEW EBOOK] On Trauma and Dissociation
  8. [VIDEO] Complex Trauma and How to Start Meditation


To your recovery,

Roland

ptsd car accident

PTSD Car Accidents: Interview with Roland Bal

PTSD Car Accidents: Interview with Roland Bal

JUNIOR: First of all, give us a little info about yourself and your background.

ROLAND: I've been working with people for 16 years now. I'm from Holland originally, and that's also where I started to work. I moved to Luxembourg and set up a practice there as well and then for 3 years I've been living here in Barcelona.

I started with bodywork, craniosacral therapy, visceral manipulation and other massage forms and from there on seeing that physical tensions, when they are chronic, are often related to emotional issues so I started to work with emotions and trauma, and how they affect people both physically and mentally. That's my orientation right now.

I've developed a system of my own where I work with trauma, and that's grown out of some modalities I've studied like Somatic Emotional Release, Somatic Experiencing, development of model of trauma and different coaching approaches. The way I look at trauma now is quite unique in the way I work with people, but I'll tell you more about that as we go on.

JR: Do you think there is a cure for PTSD after car accident or similar disorders?

R: I would say it's a subjective question depending on, first, what people have gone through, the severity and duration of it, what support they receive afterward and also how they went into the accident/incident or a period which has been traumatic.

I mean, generally I like to keep the question open or the possibilities open that yes it possible, but it depends a lot on the willingness of the person, if he or she really has the intention to persist through the tough parts of therapy and I mean, there are so many factors that come into play when you go through a traumatic event or period in your life, you have certain coping mechanisms and your flight fight freeze or please kind of reactions, and the longer those coping habits are in place the more difficult it becomes to rewire those structures, because they are dependent on your survival. So again, just to repeat myself, it depends how you go into the incident or period, the severity and duration of it, the support you receive afterward and for how long it's been kept in place.

The Mechanism of Trauma and PTSD from Car Accidents

JR: Would you say there is something in common for all the patients what they struggle with?

R: What I've deduced is that there's a mechanism that I see within each patient and that might be if they’ve gone through an accident, whether they've been abused, whether they've been in an incident or a prolonged neglected abuse and trauma, is that there's a certain mechanism that is present in each one of us. A process of dissociation - so we move a sense of integrated self into an overwhelming emotion.

So if you've been life threatened there might be anxiety at the core, and on top of that emotion, you develop a coping emotion that might probably be anger or deep sadness as to deal with that overwhelming core emotion. From there on it develops into more complexity that you develop certain coping habits like smoking, drinking, excessive sports or excessive working, it could be whatever. So that's the basic mechanism that I can see in each client or person, that repeats itself, regardless of what they went through.

Is Healing Possible after a PTSD Car Accident

JR: Is the cause of PTSD relevant toward rehabilitation?

R: The cause... it takes us back to the first question in terms of the duration and intensity of what they've gone through, the support they receive and what's been happening before the incident, so to give you an example of a client I had; she had been hit by a car as a pedestrian, and first of all she comes in with that: "like ok, this is on my plate right now and I need to work with this." But as we went into her particular story there was a lot of background behind that like family issues and a lot of repressed anger.

That kind of contributed to that 'in-alertness' of the accident happening. It depends what you might come in with, talking about accidents because that's a bit your entrance here. People might come in when they just had an accident with a motorbike that is somewhat minor, and you can work through that in five sessions and they rebound pretty well after that. They might have a partner that is supportive or a family structure that's supportive; or you might have somebody that has a similar accident but it is just the last drop in the bucket and they have a lot of history that comes before that; incidents of abuse, neglect, sexual abuse or whatever, and this is the last thing that topples their delicate psychological balance.

Then there's a lot more work to be done. So I think we need to distinguish between what is PTSD, what is complex PTSD, and what is Post Traumatic Stress. Post-Traumatic Stress might be mild or severe, so it is a general term. When you talk about PTSD or complex PTSD it is usually the succession of traumatic incidents during periods in people's lives that really makes it a disorder rather than just a Post-Traumatic Stress condition.

Have you been through a car accident and it caused PTSD? Leave your comment below.

Traumatic Accident

Traumatic Accident, Falling, and Post-Traumatic Stress

Keywords: Traumatic Accidents.

The other day I saw someone with persistent problems in the right arm. The symptoms consisted of pain in the arm and shoulder, especially around the joints. These problems started after she broke her wrist in a falling accident.

You might think her post-traumatic stress symptoms were the result of the fall, breaking her wrist, and the setting of the wrist during an operation, but we also need to look at it from another perspective. Bones don't break very easily unless you fall very awkwardly and hard. Even then, there should be enough resilience in the body and mind to compensate for the shock and additional tension. It is only when there have been stresses already on the bone that an extra stress can result in injury.

Traumatic Accidents and How the Body Compensates

Stresses on bones are caused by muscle tensions that pull the bones out of alignment. This disalignment causes an unequal pull on bones, and puts them under stress. In our case history example, we should question whether her symptoms are solely the result of the accident, or if that is just part of the equation.

On examining her, I noticed that the muscle-tendon attachments (onto the bone and joints) on the posterior(backside)  part of the arm were very tense. These different tensions-- of the forearm, upper-arm and into the chest area-- are connected by connective tissue, called fascia. They thus form one tension line throughout the arm into the chest, and possibly further down the body.

When someone comes to see me, I always want to hear what is going on in their lives. I am interested in what they are struggling with and what is putting them under stress. This helps me to put the picture together as to how the body stores and processes psychological stresses. Having a good basis of knowledge, through experience, of which emotional stresses go where in the body, is an excellent help in mapping out how mind affects body.

Emotional Stress, Traumatic Accident and Physical Injuries

The lady I was seeing for her arm pains was in her sixties. When people are in that age group, you often notice there are several layers of tensions in the body, probably due to what they have collected throughout their lives. You will see this in their body posture very easily, and by the feel of the body. It makes it harder to be very specific and work with the problem for which they are actually seeking treatment.

It is easy to get drawn into complexity and thus lose overview, then fail to work through tensions methodically, be they physical or psychological. This is a difficulty many body-workers face. You can be sensitive enough to pinpoint tensions in the body, but if you fail to have insight into how it all hangs together, you will end up breaking up a tension in one spot only for it to pop up somewhere else.

Traumatic Accidents and How Tensions are Layered

You've got to listen to the information which comes through your hands, what the client tells you, and what you pick up with your sixth sense. You have got to see how the tension is structured, layered, and then feel what needs to be done first, always double checking to see if an applied manipulation releases and resolves a tension. To be too eager to work and do a lot doesn't mean there is a resolution of the problem. It might make your client (and your ego) feel good because you're shifting a lot of tension, but if the results don't last, what is the point?

The lady with pain symptoms in her arm and shoulder was sound of mind but has been under stress; she has been very worried about her daughter and daughter-in-law for the past year because they have both been ill.  Persistent worries relate to the duodenum (first part of the small intestines) and this is where I also found tension. The duodenum is mostly on the right side of the body, situated around the belly button. Putting it all together, I diagnosed psychological stress in the form of persistent worries over a period of time that translated into physical tension in the duodenum.

Tensions of an organ are compensated for by tensions in the connective tissues and musculoskeletal system. Additionally, stress tenses up the nerves enervating the duodenum. So, duodenum tension affects the vagus and indirectly the phrenic nerves, mid-upper neck, possibly also affecting the brachial plexus that has nerves running into the right arm. Through the connective tissue, fascia, tension line it affects the musculoskeletal system from the duodenum to the diaphragm - mediastinum – pectoralis minor – anterior deltoid muscle – biceps – brachoradialis – wrist. That's specific enough for me to work with.

Traumatic Accidents and Working Holistically to Get the Full Picture

During a session, I assessed progress and to see if she was willing to talk, asked her to consciously relax where I was working, and moved between addressing the connective tissues, organ, musculo-skeletal and psychological tensions until they resolved.

To recap: physical tensions and even accidents are almost never stand-alone incidents. They are likely to be preceded by a psychological element that has had an impact on the resilience of the body and mind. This is important if we want to look at it in a holistic yet grounded way.

Have you been through a traumatic accident and it caused long term symptoms? Leave your comment below.

4 Psychological Stress

Psychological Stress Symptoms and Physical Tensions

  • ​PART 1
  • ​PART 2

All this can lead to a complex build-up of pathological symptoms. If we would assume though that a somewhat intelligent human being can see that nutrition and environment directly affect his well-being and would do his utmost to take care of these areas in his life, we are still left with taking care of our mental-emotional well-being.

Is it possible to find a pattern or a red line indicating how your psychology and psychological stress affects the body? And what would that look like?

It seems like our troubles start on a heartfelt level. Literally! The heart is vital as an organ, pumping oxygen-rich blood throughout the system, but it has more functions than just that. Every mental-emotional state reflects and impacts on the heart and the heart area. An emotionally dysfunctional heart is a lonely heart.

The Heart and Psychological Stress

A vibrant, live, energized heart is compassionate and caring. Sorrow and grief are directly felt in the area but relate intrinsically to the lungs. The heart takes the first impact of any psychological stress or imbalance and from there passes it on to the respective organ that deals best with it.

It leads us to question firstly; what do we consider as imbalance – from a psychological point of view? And secondly what effect has it on the physical organ, the heart, and surrounding structures. In Chinese medicine, the meridian called the heart protector relates in western medicine to the pericardium – a connective tissue structure that surrounds the heart. The pericardium rests on the central tendon of the diaphragm, connects to the spine and ribcage, and on through the mediastinum to the lungs.

The thymus gland, a highly important gland of the immune system, rests on the upper portion of the heart. A continued mental-emotional imbalance would put a strain on the heart-protector, the pericardium, and impact the functioning of the heart. Continuous stress could thicken and tense up the pericardium and put a strain on the surrounding structures. It would affect the diaphragm and lungs. This is often felt as a weight on the chest and negatively affecting the immune system through the thymus.

Heart, Mind, Brain and Psychological Stress

Tension which builds up in the heart and the pericardium would also transfer to the spine and can displace one or several vertebrae in the mid-thoracic area. Any vertebrae that is out of alignment will have a knock-on effect on the whole spine but especially on the first and last vertebrae, lumbar five and cervical one (atlas), as they will try to compensate for tensions elsewhere. This would explain why headaches and lower-back problems are not just local phenomena!

I would even go as far as to say that anatomically our heart ought to be more to the center from where it is habitually – which is slightly towards the left. This, in turn, brings us back to our first question: what do we consider an imbalance? Leaving aside that we go through cycles of emotional upheaval – is our constant internal dialogue a normal state of mind just because it is a common affliction of mankind? And what are the repercussions of having a ‘monkey mind’ which appears to be predominantly left brain hemisphere orientated?

Can we from here connect psychology, brain functioning and the impact it has on the heart? From neuroscience research, it is clear that we do not have full conscious access to the whole capacity of our brain. It is only at certain times that we have ‘little’ breakthroughs and we feel that we have much more capacity than our general mode of functioning. It is also quite apparent that fear and the pain/pleasure reflex are ‘programs’ we seem to be running on for most of the time. Fear, control, setting boundaries, and the pain/pleasure reflex are attributes of the brain structures the medulla and pons, also referred to as the brain-stem and lies just within the skull.

Full Barin Capacity, Psychological Stress, and The Impacts

Could it be that we are wired in such a way that we bypass large chunks of functional brain tissue?

Instead, we dominantly connect from more primal brain structures. From the pons, medulla, midbrain, and thalamus to the left-hemisphere. Only reverting to the ‘more’ of us in times of crisis.

Somewhere along the line of our development, we must have deviated from a more integrated psychological and neurological functioning. What we can conclude, though, is that our current state is not sustainable. This is certainly apparent when we look at society.

Furthermore, a dysfunctional brain ‘hijacks’ the full expression of the heart and creates repercussions within the whole system.

2 child sexual abuse

Child Sexual Abuse: A Case Study and Treatment Process

  • ​part 1
  • ​part 2
  • ​part 3

​I am seeing Jane for the third time. After a few sessions there is more trust between Jane and I (the client and therapist) and it will be a lot easier to get started and pick up where we left off last time. I still check in with her about what's happened during the week since I have last seen her; if there have been any changes, etcetera.

This is our 3rd session. In the last week she'd been feeling lighter in her body with fewer headaches and joint-pains. She did have some flashbacks to what happened to her, but there seems to be more of a sense of objectivity to it, and she mentioned having tried to work with it, as we did in our session, whenever she could.

Me: How do you feel Jane?
Jane: I am in a good space for now. I do think we have a lot to work with still but am less dual mind about it - like wanting to run and at the same time knowing something needs to be done.
Me: OK, sounds good to me. Let's continue, if we can, from where we have left off last time after we settle you in. As before just close your eyes and tune into the body. See where your energy is - right here and now. Mostly likely it will be a bit in the head if you have been busy doing things. Start there... with the sensation of it, without associating it with the things that you have been doing today.
Jane: I am OK now actually. I have had a few days off and haven't done too much.
Me: Right. Good. So last time we worked with anger that came up and how it related to some of your physical symptoms, your headaches, pain in the liver area and possibly also connected to pains in the joints. How is that level of anger for you right now?
Jane: It is a lot less. It has been coming up now and then but I'm looking at it in a different way, from a different perspective, and taking out any blame that has been connected to it, has really helped me to let go of it. I have been having more sad feelings in the last few days and also feelings of shame. Maybe we can work with that a little more this time.
Me: Right. Now I want you to see if you can let yourself go back again in time to where we were last time..... so..... you are alone with your uncle, sitting in the living room and he is coming onto you..... He is sitting very close to you and it is making you uncomfortable. You will likely feel all of that again as we are there now... but less... we have worked with this last time so there is less resistance, less overwhelming. Or possibly you are quite OK to stay with it as it is now..?
Jane: I am OK yes. This part is more just a memory now without the strong infusion of emotion attached to it.
Me: OK good. I would like to go a little further then, if that's OK with you. Tell me what is happening next?
Jane: He is starting to touch me and kiss me.
Me: OK, how do you feel now Jane... I mean in the body – here and now.
Jane: I don't know. As I talk about it now it seems like it is not really happening to me but to someone else.
Me: OK, and how does that feel in the body?
Jane: I am not really in the body. I am more in my head... or not even there...
Me: Right. Now, just hold that for a while. Stay with that blankness or disconnection if you can. You see when something has been too overwhelming, one of the ways to deal with it is to disconnect from your feelings. It is a way of coping - a survival mechanism. If you can hold there for a while, and I know it is not a comfortable state because it will stimulate some nervousness... it will get some energy going there... but that blankness is a protection... it has a certain weight to it... emotions attached to it....
Jane: << Jane starts crying now and it is involving her whole body – I let this happen for a little while before I start talking again – giving her some boundaries and containment by doing so.>>
Me: OK, that's OK... just stay with me... stay with the body when you feel the release of emotion. It's perfectly fine.... just make sure you are not drowning yourself in it... in the sadness... while at the same time feeling the depth of it... of the emotion.... keep with it so you are giving it some sense of limitation, of containment... and my voice..., my talking to you now helps this... helps to give you some grounding. And you will see that these emotional releases will come in waves... they will subside a little before the next wave comes. Just stay with it, let it pass over you... it will relax some pressure and you will feel different in your body.
Me: How is it going Jane?
Jane: Yes... I am OK. I feel I am surfacing again a bit. I didn't expect to have so much emotion in me about this, although it has been bothering me for so long.
Me: I understand. I guess you have protected yourself well, not to get too close to this, so as to be able to carry on with your life – albeit having to suffer some form of compromise. Could you tell me what emotions came up for you so strongly and what they related to.
Jane: A lot of sadness really, also shame. Yes, shame. It feels as if that has been bothering me even more than the sadness.
Me: Right. OK. Tell me first: how is the sadness now and where in the body did you feel it; are you still feeling it now?
Jane: I could feel it releasing from the whole of my body but very concentrated around my solar plexus and chest.
Me: Right and how is it now?
Jane: It feels really warm in my body and waves of tingling still. Although I feel there are still parts that we have to work with.
Me: I know... we will get to that shortly. For now, I just want you to give a little attention to that pleasant feeling... that space in your body.. that newness. Let it become an integral part of you.. of who you are now.....
Me: Could you tell what made you feel sad?
Jane: I don't know really. I think it's because this whole experience has just kept me from living more fully for so many years. Worse still, every time I had a new partner it took so long for me to let that person come close, especially sexually, and just the weight and pain of it in my body. It sort of took a lot out of me.
Me: Right, that makes sense doesn't it, what you are saying?.... And all these different emotions are connected to each other. The anger, blame and disconnection kept you from feeling deeper within the body... feeling into the sadness, the fear and the overwhelming shock of the experience itself., thereby keeping the trauma alive. Now let that sink in a bit, on the cognitive level. It is important to work through the emotions and the releasement that comes with it, but it is also important to see how it all hangs together. Once you understand what is involved; when that perspective as to how you look at it has changed, and you can see that what you have perceived and allowed were natural responses, natural ways of coping and you have dismantled the blame and guilt... you will not develop that emotion again. And this is very important – we don't want you to become dependent on me - going into releases and then the development of that emotion again. Once we have worked through it and put things in perspective it is finished, over. It doesn't need more work, management, or maintenance, nothing of that kind. Are you still with me Jane?
Jane: Yes, I am very happy that we're doing this. It's really helping me. I am a thinking person and this just fits and suits me. Or: (fits me like a glove).
Me: Right. You're also a feeling person Jane. Now let's go back a bit to our experience. You mentioned feeling ashamed. Can you tell me a bit more about that?
Jane: <<she is getting nervous now and is hesitant about going further>>
Me: Again, just feel where you are... go slowly into it... firstly, feel the resistance to talk about this, and stay with it for a while. There is no need to use force.. it will come when you quieten down, when the resistance loses momentum. It's very likely that you're back again, right now, on that couch with your uncle. You don't have to go into the details of what occurred, really. It is not all that important. I want you to stay more with, or pay more attention to the feeling, the emotion itself. What's happening for you now Jane?
Jane: Yes, it feels like I am back there again. He is still touching me and making me touch him. I feel so confused as I know he should not be doing this; it is wrong, I don't want it, but at the same time I also like it; I'm aroused by it.
Me: OK, let's slow down here, if we can, because there are lots of scattered feelings happening here and it seems to me that they are quite disorderly....... and also, the meanings that you have given to these feelings are a bit confused... so we want to see if we can untangle them... or put them in their right order. Maybe we should start with the shame, as you mentioned that earlier..... and I want you to go slow with it because I feel that it is there.. just under the surface waiting to take over. Begin by staying with the body sensations.... the flush of heat in the face.... the nervousness..... and see if you can breathe into it... giving it space... till you find that it is not taking you over so much. How is that going for you?
Jane: I am trying to stay with you, following the body sensation but it is hard, I feel it is all mixed up and confused.
Me: I know... we are just working with it, firstly: to give it some boundaries. You see... getting sexually aroused has become something bad for you, something to be ashamed of..... on a certain level.....and it seems like, from what you have told me so far, it is because of this forced experience...... I want you to look at it... also what you told me earlier. - “I don't want this” but part of you also liked the feelings of arousal.... - this is where the mix up is, it seems to me. Now I am relaying this to you on a cognitive level, just to get it clear to you mentally....but the emotion and shame are still there... coupled with the event. So let’s look at it at a more experiential level........ I want you to move your attention to the belly, to the groin area... and let your energy go there... your attention. We are going to go slowly into this and I will bring you to the surface, if we need to. Again, be there where we just left off.... in our experience. Feeling sexually aroused... this time, however, I want you to just stay with that... the sensation of it..... letting the event be just what it is..... taking what happened to you when you were so young for exactly what it is.... just follow that feeling, that sexuality.... not letting it take over.... not going into it..... but also not pushing it away...... and this is what has probably been happening in your life..... either you have wanted to indulge in it... lose yourself in it, or there has been this hard refusal to it... that rejection of sexuality.... now I want you to stay with... holding it lightly.... seeing those movements for yourself... this wanting to go into it..... and this pushing it away...... till that becomes lessened. Knowing that the wanting to indulge in it is a reaction to wanting to forget what happened to you, and also the rejection of it is in pushing the shame away..... Keep staying with the sensation, the feeling while I am talking.... I am just helping you to see what's going on in it... where your reactions are coming from, so that you can let it go .... you can work through it on a feeling level.... and once those reactions.... those wants and don't wants are becoming lessened... when you are able just to stay with being sexually aroused... the energy moving through the body... the sensations..... feeling the beauty of it.... the simplicity of it.... the feeling it gives you. Experiencing it as a natural feeling, is to be in that natural state..... How are you doing Jane?
Jane: Yes
Me: Are you still with me Jane?
Jane: Yes, I sort of want to stay there... with that feeling a little longer.
Me: I know... there will be time for that... and you can do it now without me.. It's just our time is running out and there are a few more things to get clear. How is the shame now?
Jane: I think around this it has eased a lot, if not gone completely..... I am still feeling it a bit and also anger towards myself now for not having told my parents what happened then and there.
Me: Right. The anger with it... is it something new or do you feel it just now?
Jane: No only now... I'd always been too ashamed.
Me: OK good... that anger has a certain power to it.... a re-establishing of parameters for you. And we will talk about this a bit more next time. Just for now I want to leave you in that sense of empowerment... that being more here and now. I think we have worked a lot today... we have done a lot. Is this OK for you to leave it at this point?
Jane: Yes... that's fine.

This is the last of this series of articles. We have gone through the main emotion and mechanism of trauma – both on the cognitive and experiential aspects. In the next sessions with Jane we keep working to process emotional residue related to her abusive experiences as well as repeating the understanding of it on a cognitive level, within herself when there is need of it.

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